Happily ever after, separated

Happily ever after, separated

Dear sweetheart, February 28, 2018.
"I know this finds you confused. I see you trying skip these words and tear this paper. Kindly don't. I am sorry I don't love you anymore and wish I could keep every promise I made to you before."

My heart is not worth my trust, that's how complicated my soul is. The letter read. These hand written words came from maybe his heart, soul, mind or the pen he used.

By now you can guess what was happening to my tear glands. I could hear heavy drops of tears inside me with louder thuds for each drop as I comprehended why. I breathed in deeply composing myself with my hands rolling the letter and dragging the bin next to my cabin, letting what does not deserve being on site go. Its called clearing clatter!

I don't remember when things got bad but now all was worse. Somewhere inside this torn soul, I concluded that I was playing cheap and I was not worth the bargain. Fact be,I was too expensive for what he had acquired after a long bargain. In honour of expensive me I decided to leave poverty to the poor.

There is a problem when you try convincing yourself that all will be well. If he is poor with a malnourished heart, then how can he take care of a rich well  fed heart of yours? This is what I didn't consider, and here I am with a poor broken bleeding heart.

What do you do with memories? Nothing! But what they do to you is torment. When you look at your left hand and you can't put your eyes away from that golden wedding ring. This shit is fire, it burns your heart, mind and yes it works weight loss it burns all calories and now your poor heart is caged in a malnourished body.

Why did we have to walk in the altar in presence of the padre and other anointed and chosen followers of Christ to lie? Did he have to swear right there yet he knew it was a lie? Tears socked my pillow.
I wondered who would bring me flowers now that things were stinking between us.


There is one thing I know, that I may never get my shit together but at least I pulled it almost close for my marriage.

As I put my marriage experience for the world to read, this one time you feel like it's normal to work through a broken marriage but hey you don't get it. I still got that Brazilian weave and plastic nails on me. It's barely a month and no marriage nor husband. It's well with my soul, things will always have a way of working out anyway. 

There we go, don't sob now that you feel my loss. Trying to feel my pain because you earlier felt I should keep it in my Pandora's box like every living soul does. Your thumbs are typing comfort and deleting the comments not knowing what exactly to tell the author.

Then here was the last sentence in his letter,

"Madam!, we need to discuss our divorce before my lawyer." Now he calls me madam, just like that!

Its okay but Yes, madam will pull it together put the same signature she had appear three weeks ago on her wedding day. And then we will live happily ever after separated, upon divorce. I don't need him to bring me flowers anymore, i can and will plant my own, its evident that only the flower garden can prove am a wife material. It is till you let go when you know how heavy it was on you, your heart or your back.

This is what happens when you prepare for wedding instead of preparing for marriage.

Yours Freed mind site

IN YOUR JUDGEMENT

                In your judgement

I wrote the story, the story that you read.

About how I loved too much and was happy before love got sour.

How I got my heart broken.. feels the pain through my veins in every breath I take.

Lives in the memories of my past lover, the memories that torment me

The story of how I can’t live without him

One of my life as a mess over betrayal

A story of my defense,

Of how I am unable to love again.

You wondered how I could write such a piece so sad about my private life for the public to read.

A story of how I lost touch of reality, of all around me but once he quit, reality   blew me so hard

You judged me, mocked me,

You cried and sobbed at times

You looked at me in different dimensions, you felt pain through your soul to your toes.

It sounded like it was my true life story, that I was narrating on a paper.

It hit your mind like I was experiencing what you are going through at the moment.

Reading your heart secrets and desires.

The story that you felt like it talked of my past and current situation

On one end, you pitied me, you comforted me, you sympathized with the writer.

Your right eye saw an attention seeker, you comprehended I should keep my shit to myself,

At times, you reflected it was wise I shared my feelings, betrayal and rejection.

“Even in the arms of a new lover, I will always feel like am cheating on you.”

You concluded that was you.

It is okay I know you did much more than these,

What you didn’t know in your judgement was, you were the girl I was talking about. It is you who defends yourself on claims of heartbreak…..,

Yes, the piece is about you, the man reading this, 

reflecting of how you killed her dreams,

The girl in your mind right now,, that story is her confession

Broke her heart, watched her bleed to unconsciousness…

In your judgement, saying the author is nagging

Just know that everybody has gone through something that has changed them in a way they can never go back to the person they were before.

The most important part of communication is hearing what isn’t said and reading what isn't written. Never give any soul the pleasure of seeing you down;  not even a single being, Just like I did to your misjudgment. Learn rewarding loyalty with loyalty and disloyalty with distance. 

You must accept you are sick to heal

Mar19
Are you struggling with rejection or betrayal, both or more than the two?..You ain’t alone,,

Are you struggling with rejection or betrayal, both or more than the two? You ain't alone....

Take a deep breath, you may be at the door step,,others have gone too deep with this,,when I met Josh this morning, he looked like he has had enough of it and was opting for a rest..

This young boy was contemplating on murder or suicide.. ” I either die or she dies, it’s all my choice” he said as he leaned against a coconut tree along the beach

Looking at his face he had a symbol on his forehead, it was more than a normal frown***

 He had dated a lady he trusted for 2 years for he recalls how the two lovebirds by then met…

 Sometimes ladies react faster than a mixture of chlorine and hydrogen… Corroding your soul to your toes. He always trusted she would be the mother to his fantasized babies after saying “yes I do” 

She walked out of his life as if she was alighting a matatu.. Carelessly, she rudely texted #its over between us.

Just like that? I mean after a period worth a gestation period of an infant elephant!!

Whats is wrong with ladies??! 

He had begun Smoking weed before graduating to cocaine and was now mastering in local brews .. 

Just like a pastoralist, the well was drying up and looking for greaner pasture was his gone girl’s routine. .She had ripped his humble pockets off .. 

It all starts with drinking coffee before snorting it,

Come out of that shell,,,, you got a better life than this… 

 You are beyond torture don’t jump from a bleeding heart to a destroyed lung and kidney failure…

I have always maintained that the biblical man is a more animal than the real animal … Only animals can do such toxic things….

Like  who died and recruited her in the zoo

If your partner starts acting weirdly consistently,it is evident that you are zoned… you better take a U- turn , fasten your seat belt in the already predicted zone 

and  drive your heart safely home,,far away from drama and increased heartbeat rates…

You must accept you are sick for you to heal……

Just for your information.

May12

My Dear Ex-lover
I had no reason to insinuate what I did, my only excuse would be that my preferences changed, which is no excuse at all

Please try and think that I didn’t break your heart. Am sorry. I would not have hurt you above all in the world. Say that you forgive me..

                                Freed Mind. S

I had never felt apologetic before, 

He was the reason I fell in love and he’s the reason I quit and question what love is ..probably what love was when I fell in it. Four years ago is the answer to the last time I saw him..

I remember when he said he had a million reasons for loving me,,,,  on my side my heart had found solace,, I would sing with the heavens…

  my heart has found a resting place°°°°,,, not in device nor creed, I trust in Ever….. (All  words twisted for him)

 When reasons for loving are countable like a million in number, they will run out, for they can end because they did, to me

When you need love but all you get is sympathy!!!! Despite millions of reasons., countable things end.   ..

Am done with you …. When you rob Peter to pay Paul and Peter knows,,, he gets mad ..  Am mad at the fact that you robbed me off my heart and fed it with sympathy,,, my heart is now malnourished.

  Being Peter, all I had was stolen for some petty club girl trying some bargained flimsy tangled Brazilian weave …

Say you forgive my walking away for time has come…. If apology is accepted or not, none will change my decision…

It was just for your information,,, 

 when he treats you like a guitar,, strumming you to his tune only to drop you after.. Be a song bird , dance to the rhythm making clear the lyrics…

So many toys to play with but a man chooses your feelings???! 

Free yourself from play zone, feed your heart with self love and move on..

Get rid of a demon free oneself from torment

Am I too expensive for what you bargained for?

​There is never a secret way to a woman’s heart, all you have to do is be true to her, straight and never play with her feelings..

When you think you are special to someone until they start acting like a well wisher with everyone else…

The more you pull me closer the further you throw me away , is it a game men play??

I deserve better than being used and dumped,, I feel the pain of a breakup even in my legs,,,, I have been betrayed severally but your betrayal aches a lot

You have said severally that you want me back,,,,i have always returned but you appeared like you just seductively crawled from hell..

Am I too expensive for what you bargained for?? Am begining to think so..

There is and will always be a problem when you buy something you can’t maintain%

                Or maybe your taste and 

                  Preference has changed..

“Hello lover!! Seems you aren’t yourself lately based on how you’ve been pushing me away, all you need to know is that am here for you if you ever change your mind….

If you don’t wanna talk about it then you can watch more movies, smoke yourself to sleep and kiss your pillow like you used to before I walked into your life….

You have reduced me to an arrow in a bow….. Aiming further by pulling me closer only to throw me further every moment

Only a super idiot would want someone who treats them like a door mat,,, I maybe stupid but I love you…** 

I am who I am ,, I spill food, I party , I shout at times, laugh out loud, am weird, I run into things but I am in love, broken and betrayed,

Staying up late waiting for a text reply that costs less than a cent , fantasizing on a beautiful couple we would be and beautiful babies that maybe you cant help sire,,,, 

things that only happen between my ears and never in real life,,

They  say, if you get rid of your demons, you would definitely lose your angels,,, all through have retained you but gained nothing***anyway go angels go if you have to, I can’t keep this demon anymore”’

I need to accept and love myself,, I am tired of crying myself to sleep,, waking up on a make-up kit to look attractive with an ugly torn heart and smiling like all is well.

Happy are those who can and have found their soul mates,, I can’t even find myself… When I was lonely I couldn’t wait to meet you but this ain’t the shit I signed up for..

And being used as a stone in a catapult to kill a bird is not worth my tolerance..

In the end, what are you and what will you be plus what can you be without me!!!  

I am done here dude, I won’t come back no matter what.. I will always walk head high,, for your information sir, if I ever let my head down, it will be just to admire my shoes•••.

But for now imma smoke this blunt,,and wipe these painful tears away and let this be the last time am crying for you…

                                freedmindsite.blogspot.com

In my defense

Even in the arms of a new lover, I will always feel like am cheating on you.

You taught me how to smile in the midst of tears. You saw the beauty in my eyes that no one else could see. You made me believe in what I couldn't see, not because i could touch it, but because i could feel it. 

You remind me of how important my happiness was,,,
You were always there to tell me the stories of the sun and the moon,,

About how the sun always died for the moon every night  and vice versa

How magical you made me feel,sometimes i wondered if breezes could speak too……

whenever you spoke to me you blew my mind away…

Then the day I feared  for came,and you left.

You left me wondering what one does with memories.

I never knew what I thought was my fairy tale,was a witches brew with my heart being it’s last Ingredient 

I know you still blame me for the joke this turned to,but again counting as I moved away proved to be more better ,than sticking around and counting the tear drops of each time I cried, for you,because of you.
‘u r special 

You told me and meant it not until you started sending it to 7 other recipients.

 ‘I never had someone like you’ 

You would type and send it to 3 other girls Simultaneously.

 You had me with your words and lost me with your actions,,,,,

To you I was just the popular girl,the awkward girl, the come back girl.

You forgot i never wanted any other title other than your girl.

We may not talk to each other,but that doesn’t mean I hate you,i still miss you,we just live in two different worlds and I can’t have you.

I feel  so empty,,,,,,,

It might take a while longer to heal the scars you left open,but even in the hands of a new lover 

I will always feel like am cheating on you.

Freedmindsite 

writes for fun