Dear sweetheart, February 28, 2018.
"I know this finds you confused. I see you trying skip these words and tear this paper. Kindly don't. I am sorry I don't love you anymore and wish I could keep every promise I made to you before."
My heart is not worth my trust, that's how complicated my soul is. The letter read. These hand written words came from maybe his heart, soul, mind or the pen he used.
By now you can guess what was happening to my tear glands. I could hear heavy drops of tears inside me with louder thuds for each drop as I comprehended why. I breathed in deeply composing myself with my hands rolling the letter and dragging the bin next to my cabin, letting what does not deserve being on site go. Its called clearing clatter!
I don't remember when things got bad but now all was worse. Somewhere inside this torn soul, I concluded that I was playing cheap and I was not worth the bargain. Fact be,I was too expensive for what he had acquired after a long bargain. In honour of expensive me I decided to leave poverty to the poor.
There is a problem when you try convincing yourself that all will be well. If he is poor with a malnourished heart, then how can he take care of a rich well fed heart of yours? This is what I didn't consider, and here I am with a poor broken bleeding heart.
What do you do with memories? Nothing! But what they do to you is torment. When you look at your left hand and you can't put your eyes away from that golden wedding ring. This shit is fire, it burns your heart, mind and yes it works weight loss it burns all calories and now your poor heart is caged in a malnourished body.Why did we have to walk in the altar in presence of the padre and other anointed and chosen followers of Christ to lie? Did he have to swear right there yet he knew it was a lie? Tears socked my pillow.
I wondered who would bring me flowers now that things were stinking between us.
There is one thing I know, that I may never get my shit together but at least I pulled it almost close for my marriage.
As I put my marriage experience for the world to read, this one time you feel like it's normal to work through a broken marriage but hey you don't get it. I still got that Brazilian weave and plastic nails on me. It's barely a month and no marriage nor husband. It's well with my soul, things will always have a way of working out anyway.
There we go, don't sob now that you feel my loss. Trying to feel my pain because you earlier felt I should keep it in my Pandora's box like every living soul does. Your thumbs are typing comfort and deleting the comments not knowing what exactly to tell the author.
Then here was the last sentence in his letter,
"Madam!, we need to discuss our divorce before my lawyer." Now he calls me madam, just like that!
Its okay but Yes, madam will pull it together put the same signature she had appear three weeks ago on her wedding day. And then we will live happily ever after separated, upon divorce. I don't need him to bring me flowers anymore, i can and will plant my own, its evident that only the flower garden can prove am a wife material. It is till you let go when you know how heavy it was on you, your heart or your back.
This is what happens when you prepare for wedding instead of preparing for marriage.
Yours Freed mind site
